Great British Bake Off - pah!

I'm rather miffed with GBBO this year.  I mean really, why does pretty boy Rob still continue triumphant?  He's managed to successfully complete a whole two tasks.

Please don't tell me that the programmers have decided to go all X-Factor on us and keep people in purely for their supposed "tick-box" of fit young bloke?  Young girls do not watch this programme!  Or am I wrong?  The people that I know who watch are foodies and people who actually bake. 

Also, why decide that two people should go?  Was it Sue or Mel, who casually, underwhelming, mildly suggested that maybe two should go.  Thanks to the editing we didn't even see Paul and Mary's reaction.  Is this another limp homage to the feigned "surprise" that happens in every series of X-Factor.

Dear Beeb - can you EVER grasp the concept of "if it ain't broke don't fix it"?

I'm seriously considering not bothering to watch anymore?

Anyone feel the same?

Another Masterchef 2011 rant

You know that channel flicking funk you get into when you've watched your recorded programme on your Sky box and you really should be getting ready for bed and then you begin to flick?  Well, I'd just watched another excellent episode of Boardwalk Empire when I flicked onto Masterchef.  Big mistake - you start to watch 30 seconds and that's it - you are transported into some kind of parallel universe where time speeds up.

Last night I caught Sara [the italian] making a seafood risotto for a "Merlin" wrap party.  First of all the onion was in huge chunks and THEN, she put the raw rice and seafood in at the same time.  WTF?  Surely anyone - let alone an Italian - who has reached the stage of being in the final seven, would know that the seafood would come out like leather?

Anyone else notice that?  Anyone else, who knows anything about food actually watching?

RIP Masterchef

Should I, shouldn't I?  This was the question I was asking myself on Friday evening when I decided to put aside my pre-existing prejudice and give the new Masterchef format a go.  After all, I wasn't going to let popular opinion poison my chalice was I?

I lasted less than 10 mins.  When the lady with the large boobies on display graced the screen with her "deconstructed trifle" and smeared,what looked like the product of several STD's, across a plate.   I shouted  switched off the telly and declared my everlasting hatred for programme formatters who thinks it's an excellent idea to appeal to new viewers.  Who are these new viewers exactly?  Anyone care to enlighten me?

MasterChef: Fans boil over after BBC revamp cooking contest with X Factor treatment | Mail Online

As a long-standing fan of Master Chef I'm really sad to read about this. Currently the first two episodes are languishing on my Sky Box disc and I'm not sure if I should even bother to start watching?

What were they thinking of - IF IT AIN'T BROKE DON'T FIX IT is a concept that television bosses are unfamiliar with :-(

MasterChef: Fans boil over after BBC revamp cooking contest with X Factor treatment Mail Online

Should I just delete the episodes and retain fond memories of the show?

Return of the prodigal baker

Wow, I'm back after many months in the wilderness. 

Here are my excuses - first of all I got a more demanding temp job, then my Mum arrived from South Africa for three months, then I  moved to an open plan office, which meant no more sneaky posting at work. 

I'm happy to say I've still been baking and have tried quite a few new goodies such as:

Gluten-free Victoria Sponge
Gluten-free choc-chip & nut cookies
Gluten-free sticky toffee pudding
My Mum made:  Gluten-free Hummingbird Cake

Basically they're just normal recipes which I've made using gluten-free flour.  They all turned our really well.  I promise to write posts about all of the above very soon. 

I've been loving The Great British Bake off - which has inspired me to seek out recipes and make all of the above.  I found myself shouting at the telly going "you don't do that silly!!!!"   I found David particularly frustrating, as he'd always try and do things differently, it would come out a mess and yet somehow he got through.  At one point I was shouting at the telly that Paul Hollywood must have a crush on him.  Anyway...... at least he got his just desserts last week. 

I do wonder about the need for having Mel AND Sue - surely just the one would be enough.  Has anyone else noticed how Mel scrunches up her face, like she's staring into glare every time she talks to the camera?  A double act it doesn't need to be!

Masterchef 2010

Congratulations to Dhruv Baker - Masterchef 2010!  He's amazingly talented, has the "palate of an angel" and is also very easy on the eye.  He's already entered into my Chef Candy hall of fame.

I really enjoyed the latest series of Masterchef which finished last night.  The format has been ramped up to conclusively test the contestants grit, determination and talent. 

For all their faults and foibles Greg and John are the perfect presenters.  Do we really want people who are groomed within an inch of their lives?  I enjoy expressing my horror at their wardrobe disasters almost as much as I enjoy the food.

My only real complaint about this series is that the contestants are forced [surely they are?] to ramble on endlessly about how much they want to win.   How many ways are there to say the same thing over and over again?  My tolerance level for any kind of repitition is low at the best of times.  We GET it OK?  We understood years ago that everyone who enters this show wants to win.  I suppose all this "stating the bleeding obvious" goes some way to padding out the programme.

I'm looking forward to seeing Dhruv in action at Taste of London in Regents Park in July.  I'm presuming he'll be there, as in previous years the winners have been spied behind the counter of a professional kitchen.

Sophie and I

Today I'm probably feeling a bit like The Delicous Miss Dahl.  My, my but she's got some awful stick over her schtick.  I don't entirely blame her, because these people have agents and advisors and the show has a director.  Unless she's completely surrounded by sycophants, surely one of these people should have pointed out that the whole idea would be her undoing.

As people  have pointed out, she hasn't committed a heinous crime.  [The catholic church are doing too good a job of that at present].  Her only crime is having starred in a 30 minute commercial for herself, her sex-kitten routine, her books and a bit of food assembly.  I tried to like it, I wanted to like it ....... but as soon as she confided, in complete earnestness, that she fantasised about "Mozzarella di Bufala" and coquettishly gazed at the camera for the umpteenth dozen time, my itchy finger hit the remote.

The reason I believe that Soph and I may have something in common, is because for about the last two months everything I touch seems to turn to shit. 

Last night I decided to make Chicken Biriyani.  Two posts down I wrote about finding a South African shop in Milton Keynes.  I bought a packet of ready mixed spices which had a biriyani recipe on the back. I mean, surely if a recipe is printed by the  manufacturer's they must have made sure it works.  Right?  Wrong!

I used to make this dish quite a bit in years gone by haven't done so since moving to the U.K.  It took a lot of work, was fiddly and time consuming and the end result looked like a mass of poop on the plate.  I certainly won't put your digestion in jeopardy by showing you a picture.  Actually, I didn't take a picture.  I was too pissed off.  So anyway.......... this blasted biriyani............. the rice was too sticky and too highly spiced, the lentils were too soft [ok that's my fault, I decided to used tinned instead of boiling from scratch] and it looked like a congealed mass of curry risotto with chicken pieces.  I should have known something was wrong when the chicken was cooked in coconut milk.  This was NEVER in any biriyani I've made before.

Poor Anthony, he had to agree, yet again, this wasn't my finest culinary moment.  In fact those are very few and far between these days.  How ironic that I should start a food blog at the precise moment in time my innate cookery skills have gone on vacation............... on a round the world cruise.  Come back! Come back! I beg of you!

Photo courtesy of:  Flickr.com - creative commones - elena-lu who credits Steven Miesl

The Good Old Beeb

I'm pleased to say that 8/10 of what I cook is a success.  I'm not sure where I pulled my 80% success ratio out of but it feels like an honest guesstimate.

Being somewhat of a perfectionist I always use recipes, as I hate to waste ingredients and my time by flinging things together in the hopes they work out.  I think if you've got a LOT of experience and have mastered the art of classic cooking, to the degree where you "just know" that something will work, then bravo you!  I'm  nowhere near that place.  Yet.

I find the BBC Good Food site a godsend.  Not only have the recipes been tested but they've also been rated by real life home cooks like us.  I'm pleased to see that they've even made things easier by featuring a link to all their highest rated recipes.

My favourite cooking programmes are:  Saturday Kitchen, Masterchef and Come Dine With Me.  I love shouting abuse at the contestants when they make silly mistakes.  For instance on Masterchef, the number of people who decide to make something they've never made before, I mean HELLO!?  or on Come Dine With Me the people who cheat with ready-made sauces and whose idea of a dessert is some berries served with creme fraiche.  Not cooking moron, NOT cooking!

My award for best looking chef in the U.K goes to Jun Tanaka of the Pearl Restaurant.  This man's hair does things to me.  I had the pleasure of seeing him in the flesh at the Taste of London where I sampled his raw kingfish marinated in passionfruit.  It was out of this world.  I dream of eating at Pearl one day .......................

On the subject of Taste of London - we've gone for the last three years and it's just got better each year.  I can't recommend it highly enough.  In fact it's an annual highlight for us.

Photo courtesy of:  Flickr.com - creative commons - Tom Swain